15. Buying a reissue and discovering it is mastered from a CD and sounds like shit – If you wanted CD music, you would purchase a CD. You can check the source of your albums online before you buy or look for editions made from master tapes like MFSL.
14. Getting that album you preordered and, and waited, and waited for; only to open it and find it’s warped – This happened to me on Record Store Day, The Doors 3 LP live album. I was recording a Virgin Vinyl Sunday video, and I got to the 3rd album, and lo and behold…warped. My favorite record store took it back and gave me credit.
13. When people that play records without cleaning them – This is self-explanatory, but you can help resolve this issue. Friends don’t let friends play dirty records.
12. Seeing others suffer through number 14 – You feel sorry, and hope your next dig doesn’t suffer the same fate. Warped records aren’t something you would wish on your enemy unless they are the kind of people that let #13 happen.
11. When people don’t understand that you want to stay in and listen to your records – Listening to music on vinyl is an experience, a ritual if you will. Sometimes, listening to music is more desirable than the company of others.
10. When people ask if you are a DJ – If see me scratching like DJ Hapa Boy, then I can understand that question. When you come across people with groceries, ask if they are chefs, and see their response.
9. People tell you records are obsolete – Betamax, cassettes, microfiche, and VHS are obsolete, not records. The technology is dated, and has disadvantages, but not obsolete. There’s a laser turntable; I haven’t seen any updates the aforementioned
8. When people pluralize records as “vinyls” – many people are challenged by the English language, and for good reasons. It’s convoluted, uses spellings that are different just because, and is wrought with rules that don’t always make sense. The plural of deer is deer, as it is with vinyl.
7. People call you a hipster – There’s something about the word hipster that makes my skin crawl. I think of ridiculous mustaches, craft beer, fixie bikes, and skinny jeans. I don’t identify with any of those things, but I do love records. You don’t lump vegans in with the anti-establishment crowd, or do you?
6. Having to work on April 18th (Record Store Day) – Record Store Day has come under scrutiny, but for most, it’s a time to share your love with fellow collectors and enthusiasts, get some limited edition pressings, swag, and much more. I’ve spent my last three at Hungry Ear Records in Honolulu, Hi.
5. That album you wanted was never pressed on vinyl – I am a huge Eric Roberson Fan. I’ve seen him perform live three times, and have his entire discography in digital format.
4. “Vinyl is back” – Yes, Record sales have had a dramatic rise over the past seven years. Vinyl sales account for just under 10% of total album sales. The thing is, to record collectors the records never left. Your local record store has never stopped carrying them. Stop saying it’s back, you hipster.
3. Someone says, “I had a bunch of records that I just threw out, I wish we met earlier” – why would you tell me this? I mean are you some sick masochists that find pleasure in bringing pain the hearts of others? You wouldn’t tell someone that likes dogs, “Oh, I just put down my Golden Retriever. I wish I knew you were a dog lover; he just needed a good home”, would you?
2. The limited edition or random 180-gram pressings of an album you want – Albums pressed at Pallas in Germany (left record) typically sound great, are less prone to being delivered like #15 and are going to cost a premium. Are audiophile pressings worth the extra coin? You’re going to have to get both to find out.
1.The Crosley Cruiser – Start here, don’t stay here. While suitable for dipping your toes into the pool of vinyl, these little cuties can be found everywhere from Urban Outfitters to Wal-Mart. They don’t sound very good and can ruin your perception of the pleasure of listening to music on vinyl.
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